"How to Argue without Fighting"

Communication, and the ability to communicate, is vital to life’s interaction. Good communication is essential to a great relationship. We are all individuals with different likes and dislikes, varied and opposing opinions and personal wants and goals. For this reason, people will disagree with each other from time to time. A difference in opinion may result in a respectful, stimulating debate, a passionate argument or a knock-down, drag-out fight.

When it comes to romantic relationships, the latter usually occurs. In an attempt to clear up any confusion, arguing is not the same as fighting. And fighting, screaming or yelling is not communicating. Many people/couples make this mistake. There are many couples, albeit naïve, believe that two people in love should not have arguments and disagreements – a common misconception. This is why many hot and heavy relationships cool-off quickly.

Most disagreements between lovers/mates do not signal the end of the world or your relationship. Arguing or disagreeing with your lover/mate is to be expected. You are two unique individuals with unique backgrounds, and while you may have a great deal in common, it does not mean you will agree on everything. Continual fighting will ultimately damage your relationship. So the objective is to learn how to disagree or argue without hurting each others feelings and damaging the relationship.

No swearing, no cursing, no yelling and no name-calling
No personal insults, no bullying, no verbal assaults.

Determine if this is the “best time” for the disagreement or to discuss the issue at hand. If not, table it until you and your mate have the privacy and space.
Determine if you need cool off or calm down before talking.
Understand and know why you are upset, hurt or angry. You must be able to communicate this to your lover/mate.
Make “I” statements; not “You” statements. Talk about what you’re feeling. Do not make general accusations, be specific. People will become defensive when they feel they are being wrongly accused or punished.
Listen to your lover/mate while they are talking. Really listen and then respond to what they have said. Do not interrupt them.
Give your lover/mate your full attention. Do not be distracted by television, cell phone, computer, cleaning, etc. Your lover/mate must feel like you are interested in listening to them and resolving the problem.
Stay focused, address the issue at hand. Do not bring up old issues and arguments.
Do not dominate the conversation. Everyone should have equal time.
Be respectful at all times; remember you love this person.
Come up with a solution which may include some compromise.
Make a willing commitment to follow through with the solution.