“Three Dates and a Decision”

Often when you first meet someone who sparks your interest, the encounter is brief and the attraction is usually physical. You know very little about the person and what makes them tick. This is why the “date” was created!

Dating, or going on a date, gives you (as well as the other person) an opportunity to get to know the person on a more personal level. Most would agree that dating can be unnerving. Some dates can be like a visit to the Magic Kingdom and some like a revival of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Everyone has a “bad date” story to share – some have more than one. However, all is not lost, there is a formula for “good dating.” It requires a bit of creativity, an active imagination, a comfortable environment and the willingness to communicate.

Normally, a phone call takes place before the first “official” date, giving the couple a chance to chat. It is recommended to keep the length of the conversation to 30 minutes or so. If the phone call went well, both parties will be excited about the upcoming date. And if the call didn’t go so well, you have a chance to cancel -- remember to be kind.

We are well into the 21st Century and women can, and do, ask men out on the first date. Whoever extends the invitation should have a flexible and relaxed date planned. Avoid plans that require time constraints or reservations.

Pick a place where you can actually have a conversation. Agree to meet at the location. This protects everyone’s privacy. Here are a few suggestions: dinner at a casual restaurant, lunch and a local art festival or breakfast at a retro diner in an eclectic part of town with a window seat designed for “people watching.”

Both of you may be nervous so keep it simple, easy and light. This way you can both have a good time with less stress.

Make a sincere effort to get to know the person. Ask questions that beg more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Be a good listener. Turn the cell phone ringer to vibrate and DO NOT ANSWER your cell during the date. Unless you’re the Deputy District Attorney or a neuro surgeon, the call can wait. Be prepared to answer questions as well. Careful not to ramble on. Be yourself. Keep answers about past relationships honest and brief. The first date should last no more than four (4) hours. Always leave them wanting more!

Assuming the first date went well, the post-date-phone call to say “thank you…” should be made within 24 hours. During this conversation, a second date can be made. This date can be planned around an activity – anything from a movie, bike ride, amusement park or volleyball game on the beach.

The second date will highlight common interests or obvious differences. Interaction will be (or should be) spontaneous giving you a chance to see a more relaxed, playful side of the person. End the date an hour or two after you have completed the activity.

Let’s say that Date One and Date Two have been successful. You still like them and they still like you. Date Three carries great responsibility because it will be the proverbial “deal maker” or “deal breaker.”

Have a barbeque or a picnic with some friends – no family yet! Invite a few of your friends and a few of theirs. Keep it informal and fun. This will give both of you a chance to meet and socialize in a group dynamic. The company a person keeps can speak volumes about their character.

While this approach may not seem very romantic, even a bit analytical, men and women need to get smart about dating. You have had three different encounters with this individual in a variety of venues and settings. Now you can decide -- is someone you’d like to explore a romantic relationship.