"Xs, Friends and Lovers"

It is a known fact that break-ups are not easy. Emotions run high, feelings get hurt and the thin line between love and hate virtually disappears. The best one can hope for is limited property damage after all is said and done. This is not the case for every break-up but it appears to happen more often than not.

However, there is a new trend emerging – remaining friends with your ex-lover. This is a major plus if there are children involved. If mom and dad can be friendly, respectful and civil, the transition is far healthier for the children. It does take a certain degree of maturity to stop being lovers and become friends.

But what happens when your friendship with your “X” becomes a problem in your new/current relationship? It is understandable how your new lover may not immediately embrace this new trend. If your current lover is insecure or has a few self-esteem issues, this could become a serious problem.

There are some things you can do to mitigate the situation. If you know that your interaction with your ex-lover genuinely upsets your current lover, try to be respectful and sensitive to their feelings. Do not dismiss his/her feelings as an overreaction or pettiness. This may not be true. Reassure your lover and be open to discussing matter.

Secondly, make sure there are boundaries in place. This will help to minimize misunderstandings and arguments.

Your “X” should not be allowed to call at inappropriate times (late night, early morning, etc.)
Your “X” should always call before “stopping by” to say hello
Try to avoid having your “X” and your current lover at the same gatherings or parties
If it’s a child’s birthday party or graduation and your current lover is uncomfortable, perhaps they should not attend.
Do not meet up with your “X” for lunch or any other reason without first talking with your current lover. And by all means, do not lie about it.
Do not discuss your current relationship with your “X”. It’s really none of their business.
Do not take a sentimental trip down memory lane with your “X” while in the presence of your current lover. It’s insensitive and rude.

Each situation will be different but you get the idea. It is up to you to set the tone. Also, understand that it is quite natural for your current lover to feel a bit jealous. If the problem persists, for whatever reason, you will have to make a choice. Which relationship is more important?