"Long Distance Romance: Can It Work?"

Yes, but it’s no easy task. There are some key elements that must be present for a long distance romance to work: commitment, trust and emotional maturity. Most people become involved in their first long distance romance right after high school. Your high school sweetheart goes away to college or you decide to go backpacking across Europe. Initially, you vow your undying love and loyalty. You anxiously await a text message or email but as time moves on, there are fewer emails, less text messages and it becomes increasingly difficult to “stay connected” emotionally. When you’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you and have not yet had a chance to mature emotionally.

In 2007, war is separating couples and families everywhere. Our loved ones are thousands of miles away in a foreign country counting the days until they come home. While the separation is not the choice of the men and women in military service, it is a reality faced daily by those left behind. Emotional maturity has been thrust upon them.

So what is emotional maturity? It’s understanding that being separated from your loved one will be lonely and very difficult at times. It’s understanding that due to different time zones and circumstances you may not hear from your mate/partner when you want to or even when promised. Life happens. It’s understanding that you have to work at staying connected emotionally and spiritually. It’s understanding that making the most of your time together is so much more important than fighting over who’s right or who’s wrong.

Trust, loyalty and fidelity are essential to a long distance romance. Your word is your bond. If you and your mate have experienced problems as a result of trust issues (yours or theirs), those problems must be addressed before the separation. If you can’t come to some sort of resolution, long distance romance may not work for the two of you. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from the relationship until such time you can come back together.

Which brings us to the issue of commitment. It would be prudent and smart to sit down with your partner and openly discuss your level of commitment. Make sure you’re on the same page. Talk about future plans, if appropriate, set boundaries and then recommit. It is vital for both of you to feel good about the relationship before the separation.

There are also some practical dynamics to think about when considering a long distance romance. Actual, geographic distance does matter. If you’re in the same country, it makes travel easier and visits can be more frequent. Living in a different country translates into less visits and expensive travel. Money and a long distance romance go hand-in-hand. Be prepared for high long distance phone bills, shipping costs for gifts, and maxed-out credit cards. The good news is that you now have enough frequent flier miles to qualify for the free weekend cruise to the Bahamas.

When all is said and done, a long distance romance can work if you work at it.