"Help! I’m in Love with a Slob"

Society tends to perceive that men are messy and women are neat – not so. Believe it or not, women can be as messy as men. If you have been dating someone for several months and have thought about or discussed moving in together, here are a few things to consider.

Hopefully, after dating for several months, you have visited your lover’s home or apartment. Make note of the bathroom and the kitchen. These two areas are usually a good gauge for how neat or messy a person may be. Be observant of your lover’s personal hygiene. Do they wear the same clothes over and over again? Do they think it’s fine to use someone else’s toothbrush? Do they wash their hands after going to the restroom? Are their ears clean? Make note of the condition of your lover’s car, wallet, backpack, briefcase, etc. When you are out to dinner together, watch his/her table manners, how he/she uses a fork and knife, where he/she places their elbows. Often, when infatuated with someone, we tend to overlook these small but important signs.

Then ask yourself a few questions. Do you like to clean up after someone else? Are you a “neat freak?” Do you need organization in your life at all times? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, this could present a problem. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with your lover about your concerns before you sign on the dotted line.

Now, if you have already moved in with your mate and discovered that you’re living with a slob. Eeeeekkkk! First things first. It’s not nice to call someone a slob. Untidy, messy, sloppy are less offensive and more specific. Identify what the actual problems are. For example: they leave food crumbs in the bed, dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, dishes in the sink, leave the top off the toothpaste tube. Have an honest conversation with your lover. Try to create and set boundaries that you can both live with comfortably. Also discuss and pre-determine what will happen if the boundaries are not respected. If your lover is not willing to work with you, then you will have to make a choice:

Stay in the relationship, keep quiet and keep cleaning
Stay in the relationship, hire a maid and have your lover pay of half the cost
Leave the home (in accordance with the lease or rental agreement), not necessary to leave the relationship. After you leave, if that’s your choice, figure out where the relationship is really heading.