"Will You Respect Me in the Morning?"

Over the last four decades, the rules surrounding and governing sexual intimacy (before marriage) have been revised, redefined, blurred, debated, judged, cherished and discarded. The late 60s launched a new movement known as “free love.” As the 70s began, it was no longer necessary to be married to live with someone or to sleep with someone. Older generations and religious zealots denounced the behavior but it didn’t seem to matter. The young people of the time were in love with free love.

It seemed everyone had permission to sleep with or have sex with whomever they chose. A lot of these young people a.k.a. “hippies” or “flower children” were also accepting of multiple partners – some at the same time. Back then, a one-night-stand was just that – a one night stand. No drama, no craziness, no fatal attractions, it was a simpler time.

In 1985, everything changed when HIV showed up on the scene. Casual sex suddenly became dangerous for all the wrong reasons. Making the wrong choice in a sexual partner could cost you your life. So everyone was urged to have “safe sex” because turning back the clock to a time before “free love” was not an option.

Safe sex in the 90s translated into a multi-million dollar business. New safe sex toys and sexual aides, flavored and colored condoms and telephone sex lines for those nights when you wanted to reach out and touch someone – without risking disease or actually making physical contact.

Needless to say, we are clueless as to what the rules are in the 21st century.

It is entirely up to you when you decide to become sexually intimate with another consenting adult. If it is a question of morality, follow your heart. If it is a question of self-respect, stay true to yourself. If it is a matter of what others will think, don’t tell them.

If you decide to engage in a one-night-stand, recognize it for what it is. Do not try to create a relationship from one night of random passion or out of control hormones. You will be sorely disappointed. Let’s say you’ve been dating someone for several weeks and you truly believe this can become something special; however, you are afraid that having a sexual relationship too soon might ruin your chances for a more meaningful relationship. When is too soon too soon?

First off, have you had an honest and open conversation about sex with this special person? If you answered no, you might want to have the conversation before you become intimate. Whether you are a man or a woman, your body is your greatest gift. Treat your body with the respect and care it deserves. While it may be uncomfortable or embarrassing, ask about their most recent medical report or offer to go with them to get tested. If the person is offended or refuses, they may not be as special as you initially thought. Don’t compromise your life, and the quality there of, for 10 minutes of fleeting pleasure. When you share your body with someone you are at your most vulnerable, take the time to be certain that you have made the right decision with your brain – not your loins.