"When is Enough…Enough?"

When two people find themselves in a relationship that has more than a few “issues”, it can be difficult to gauge when enough is enough. Emotions, time invested, opinions of friends and family and finances make it hard to say good-bye to a relationship that may not be working.

Start with an honest conversation with self. Identify the existing problems or issues in the relationship. Can these issues be resolved with couples therapy or change of behavior? Many couples stay together, even though they’re miserable, because breaking up is hard to do. Ask yourself:

Am I still in love?

The love may still be there but is love enough to overcome the current problems you face.

Does this relationship give you peace or cause stress and anxiety?

If you are happier and more content away from home and your mate/lover, this could be an indication that you and your lover maybe growing apart. And if all you do is argue when you are together, perhaps your friendship is suffering. Remember, romantic relationships should begin with a sound friendship.

Does this relationship cause you to feel bad about yourself?

If your mate/lover constantly criticizes you and puts you down, this is a real problem! You are giving up your power by not standing up for yourself. Do not allow anyone to make you feel bad about who you are. They do not have that right. A good relationship doesn’t make you feel bad. Surely, there will be squabbles and disagreements but that should the exception – not the rule.

Do you find joy, comfort and safety in this relationship?

If you still get excited about seeing your mate/lover at the end of the day, it’s a beautiful thing. If he or she is the first one you want to share good news with, then you still have a chance to make this relationship work. If you’re awakened by a bad dream in the middle of the night and you find safety in curling up next to your lover/mate, you may have a relationship worth fighting for.

Do you trust your lover/mate?

Trusting your mate/lover goes beyond the issue of infidelity. If you cannot trust your mate/lover with your hopes and wishes without the worry of ridicule, this can give life to other trust issues. If you cannot trust to your lover/mate to keep his or her word or to do what they said they would do, it makes it difficult to rely on him or her – emotionally and practically. Trust issues, if not dealt with, will ultimately end a relationship.

Has the relationship become abusive or does it feel abusive?

If the relationship has become physically, emotionally or verbally abusive, it is time to move on! There is no rational reason for anyone, man or woman, to be verbally berated, physically assaulted or emotionally tortured. Reach out to family, friends, clergy or a therapist to help you break away.

Do you ever fantasize about or imagine the relationship being over?

If the answer to this question is yes, you need to make a decision about how commitment you are to the relationship. Fantasizing about someone or being by yourself is a strong indication that you have “checked-out” emotionally.

Once again, no right or wrong answers – just personal honesty. In order to have a strong, healthy relationship you must be willing to communicate honestly and commit completely to making it work. And if it is not working and becoming destructive, get out, cut your losses and move on.

After you’ve had an honest conversation with yourself, have the same with conversation with your lover/mate.